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Katees passion for writing and fascination for language has forever guided her path in life. I asked an employee whether they still carried my deodorant. How different military branches use the stars: The U.S. Army sleeps beneath the stars. The ships operations officer entered the messdeck, his eyes bleary and at half-mast. A lot of the jokes on this list I heard while I was in the Marines, but I want to give credit to our friends at ralleypoint.com and unijokes.com. Where are you from? Unless you pull the stick too far back, then they get bigger again very quickly". Dedicated To All Who Flew Behind Round Engines. Whats the worst thing you could say to insult a Marine? Now, I was shy of six feet tall, but when our drill sergeant called for all six-footers to line up, I stepped forward anyway. As part of my Naval Reserve requirements at Emory University Dental School, I attended a talk about proper dental procedures following nuclear warfare. Aircraft Carriers Airshows Aviation History Aviation Humor Books Civil Aviation Cold War Era Drones F-14 Tomcat Helicopters Losses/Aviation Safety MiG Killers Military Aviation Space SR-71 Blackbird SR-71 Top Speed U.S. Navy Warbirds Weapons Yearly Summary. Adding one, came from my saw carrying ARMY soldier: How many Marines does it take to fire a machine gun? Baltimore, said Dad. Theres a post recall and he went to work. In college, my freshman-year roommate was in ROTC and came from a long line of military men. Hazing the new guy, he said with a grin. 130 Best Aviation Humor ideas | aviation humor, humor, aviation Aviation Humor 129 Pins 1y S Collection by STS Aviation Group Share Similar ideas popular now Humor Funny Military Humor Aviation Fuel Aviation Humor Aviation Technology Airbus Boeing Airline Humor Airline Reservations People Fly Flight Attendant Life LinkedIn Aviation Quotes What is a Soldiers least favorite month? This class yielded some very famous aircraft, many we still use today. Knowing my tough-to-spell last name would give him fits, I said, Just put down Sergeant Gary, as my last name is too hard. 4) At the real-life Topgun programthe one the film was based onthere is a $5 fine for any staffer who references or quotes the movie. While serving as chief medical officer at Fort Ritchie in Maryland, I attended a nearby wedding. Related read: 11 of the Best Veteran Memes That Perfectly Sum Up Veteran Humor. Altitude is life insurance. Guys, do you know some jokes related to military aviation? Trask (his last name) used that heritage to lord it over me. [Easy] How to Clean Rust off of a Gun Without Damaging it? The only time you have too much fuel is when youre on fire. 4. Then, in a soft voice, he said, Probably. Pointing to the Airborne wings on my Army uniform, I explained, The last time someone gave me wings, I had to jump out of the airplane.. Was looking for the best candidate to fill a spot on a field team. ! "As we prepare for takeoff, please make sure your tray tables and seat backs are fully upright in their most uncomfortable position", 18. Military Aviation Humor | Civil Aviation Humor | Life in the Military | Submit a Joke Problem: "Smoke in cabin." Solution: "Aircrew reminded fleet is no-smoking these days." Problem: "Bad smell in cockpit (B-747)." Solution: "Advice crew to wash every day." Problem: "Missile slow to leave rail." Solution: "Use a real missile. Related read: When Is Military Appreciation Month? I set out a roach bombthey defused it. I have been telling the same joke for a lot of years, but today I will change it up. Reply: No, I say again. (Hang up. Soldier: No, SIR!. Recently, a neighbor turned 100, and a big birthday party was thrown. 32. Anytime someone asked what his father did, hed say, Hes in the Army. I told him Never fly in the same cockpit with someone braver than you. From the plane came a laconic southern voice: . You have plenty of time. Jack Girard. Our instructor approached the directionally challenged Marine and stomped on his left foot. Decodes 7. During World War II, my father often found himself stuck with KP duty. You will not live long enough to make all of them yourself. It works just like every other seat belt and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised, 26. February 24, 2023 Two B-52s Fly Over Tallinn For Estonia Independence Day Military Aviation February 23, 2023 F-35C . Good news and bad news, my instructor said. Youre the only one I can think of she wont be able to drink under the table.. The veteran bomber pilot answered, "Try this hot-shot". 38. We know that there are hundreds and hundreds of military jokes out there. The captain returned my salute and responded, LMD 67. The Navy will turn out the lights and lock all the doors. Why arent there any insects in an Army base? One night, he returned to the dorm in his perfectly pressed uniform, his newly acquired name tag in his hand. The c.i.a. A military warrant officer saying Okay now watch this shit. A cookie and a piece of cake joined the army, but eventually, they abandoned their fellow soldiers. It Bad Jokes That You Cant Help but Laugh At, Funny Photos That Will Make You Laugh Out Loud, Cheesy Pick-Up Lines Guaranteed to Get a Laugh, The Absolute Best Funny Movies of All Time, Weird Facts You Never Knew About Laughter, Work Cartoons to Help You Get Through the Week, Clever Wedding Jokes Perfect for Any Speech, We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer), Do Not Sell or Share My Personal Information. It was our first day on the rifle range at Lackland Air Force Base. An Army ranger, Air Force P.J., Navy seal, and a Recon Marine. He nodded. In an attempt to keep, the passengers from standing or moving around before taxiing was completed the Flight Attendant of an internal flight said over the PA, "Ladies and Gentlemen. At one point, our very intimidating instructor pointed at me and said, Theres been a jeep explosion. I was standing watch when an old, run-down freighter named Sagar Moti passed by. All you have to do is remove the dirt.. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. Some of the jokes on this list I first read and on their websites. Home; Jokes; Pictures; Videos; GIFs; Runway 37 Comics; Weird Wings; Today I Learned; Quizzes; Jokes. Whats the difference between a special forces member of the Navy and an otter? As I stepped forward, she jokingly offered me one, but I passed. I felt confident as I aimed and squeezed the trigger of my carbine for my first shot. Two PFCs are walking down the street and one of them says, Oh look, a dead bird. The other PFC looks at the sky and says, Where? So he recruited 4 of the best he could find. 8.3.4 Modern aviation history. Fish Food. If pilots screw up, they die. Last year we shot six and the pilot let us put them all on board. Another landing like that and I'll have enough parts for another one.". And )second Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!, 21. He then made his way to my side. Bomber Pilots Do Them Too. They cant seem to string three Ws together. What should have been the day we chose to celebrate World Military Day? You might be in the Coast Guard if you abbreviate words so much that you forget how to spell them out. I admit itI have a tendency to exaggerate, and I was afraid when I joined the Navy that my creativity might get me in trouble. How old are you? a tenant asked. However, even with full power, the little plane could not handle the load and went down a few moments after take-off. Emergency Checklist Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about it. Aircraft Engineers 1. I was the tallest guy in line. While serving as chief medical officer at Fort Ritchie in Maryland, I attended a nearby wedding. He had the same plane as yours. I thought you had to be in relatively good shape to join the Marines.. Hey, Im from St. Louis too! he said. MARCH! A military cargo plane, flying over a populated area, suddenly loses power and starts to nose down. He replied, When they stopped shooting at me.. The local band hired to greet them was playing a popular hit of the time, I Wonder Whos Kissing Her Now.. I've told you that I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. 66. The gunners very first shot sent the drone into the water! The optimist invests the aeroplane and the pessimist invents the parachute. If you are travelling with more than one small child, pick your favourite, 15. Joke #1 Ask the Army to secure a building and they will set up a perimeter around it and make sure nobody gets out. P | Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent. Why does the military only allow dress shirts during ceremonies and events? Types of Rifles Every Shooter Should Know About, Rifle Vs. After my niece returned from her second tour in Iraq, I remarked how beautiful her complexion looked. Even if you arent in the military yourself, try reading some of these out loud to someone you know in a particular branch and watch as their face lights up. Want some really over-the-top, cheesy jokes about the military? I enjoyed the humor section quite a bit. 29. Did it work? Please do not leave children or spouses, 14. You might be a Coastie if you forget how to color coordinate normal civilian clothes after weeks of wearing only blue. The list below includes humorous one-liners and stories that will make your military friends and family members laugh like never before. Why does the military have a strict dress code for ceremonies and events? After everyone had made it through the chow line, he sat them down and told them There are three rules in this mess hall- Shut up! A Military lab has developed a pizza that boasts a shelf life of three years without being frozen, and now the Week has asked its readers to name this durable dish. I wanted to join the Marines but I fell just short of their requirements. Why do flight attendants make great astronauts? As an Amazon Associate, I earn a commission from qualifying purchases at no extra cost to you. You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience. Known to bicker and make fun of each other often, its likely that those in the military have a good sense of humor. Rather than fire a shot, I shouted out the first half of the password: George! Where is your foxhole, Lieutenant? I asked. And we don't even wonder 'why' because one has to twiddle their thumbs one way or another. Military jokes 291 Pins 3y D Collection by Devyn Scholtes Similar ideas popular now Military Humor Military Quotes Humor Funny Memes Military Jokes Army Humor Army Memes Military Life Funny Posts Hilarious Memes Humor Funny Memes Spongebob Memes My son is in Marine Infantry School and one of his best friends is in the Air Force Academy. It is the law; and it's not subject to repeal. I was very nervous, she said. When the sailor finishes up, he heads to the sink to wash his hands. An Army Drill Sergeant took some recruits the the mess hall. The official allowed us to pass without opening a single suitcase. Why did the Soldier bring a blanket to an active battle zone? Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. 28. Collective Military Hardships One day an airman, an Army soldier, and a Marine were talking about the hardships they faced during their last deployment. My friend kept asking what my military rank was, but I kept telling him its Private. [Answered]. If you want it any closer than that, youll have to bite em off from the inside.. Do you know where the sensor is located? my coworker asked. A joke told repeatedly at aviation industry conferences puts a man and a dog in an airplane. While drinking their beers, the smart-ass fighter pilot decided to ask, How many did you end up catching today.. When they landed, the pilot turned to Warren and said, "By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. In large gold letters was printed: TRASH. I'm impressed! You might be in the Coast Guard if you think of Fridays as field days. I met his wife and baby and was impressed that he had all his flight gear neatly laid out on a table. S | No 2 propeller seepage normal - No 1, No 3, and No 4 propellers lack normal seepage. ", The student replied, "When I was number one for takeoff sir", 51. Military Jokes and Humor stories have always amused and entertained. Killed bin Laden. In his free time, he enjoys hunting, hiking, running, shooting guns, and reviewing gear. They are the ones protecting us at all times from external threats. Oh, youre a troop who survived pepper spray AND mustard gas? We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer) as we strive to provide site experiences for browsers that support new web standards and security practices. Why won't you kiss me? I got one here related to the tranparency of Soviet news.. ----- *News report from Soviet press agency* A friendly communist agricultural tractor was intercepted by enemy group of seven Chinese battle tanks, while performing its everyday works on wheat fields along Soviet-Chinese border. Your seat cushions can be used for flotation. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate, 18. The soldier swore under his breath at the Marine and told him he wanted to get up and get a drink. He snapped off a Halt! shouted our drill instructor. What do you call a training sergeant who's very kind and respectful? 5. One day, while out snapping photos, I was stopped by the military police, who asked for my letter from public affairs. (pointing at the sky). What grades do you need to get to join the Navy? Climbing out of the wreckage, Brian asked Tommy, Any idea where we are?, I think were pretty close to where we crashed last year Brian, 5. St. Louis, I grumbled. Its where we park the helicopters.. When I heard him describe the impending birth of his first child as when the baby has boots on the ground.. USN: Helos You can always leave the joke in a funny mug, or a pilot mug if the person is into aviation. Marine: Wait, stop. 41. In-dough-structible 4. Upon the Vietnam war's conclusion a lot of money was invested in creating the next class of aircraft. Without a letter from public affairs, well have to take your camera. I did the only thing I could do: I pulled a notepad and pen from my bag and wrote a letter giving myself permission to take photos. Even better, have them explain the joke to you after and have a good laugh yourself. Now, they are wanted for dessertion. The military may have invented the Internet, but not all government schemes have worked as well. Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike? Basically, if you click on a product link on this site and buy that product we get a small commission at no extra cost to you. What did one panicking sailor say to the other? A young customs official watched our entourage in disbelief, "Ma'am" he said, "Do all these children and this luggage belong to you? "Flight 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees", "But Centre, we are at 35,000 feet. Im throwing up just as far as the rest of these guys.. 3) The pen used by the military meets 16 pages of military specs. Even those who work in relation to the military, such as the Department of Defense, or know someone that has served, are bound to find a few of these hilarious. If you have a military joke you think our readers would like then send it to military_jokes@strategyworld.com. When the boy seemed confused, his father brought out a picture of himself in full Marine dress. Both have been racing sled dogs for decades. Sometime later, when the examination was Coffee tastes better if the latrines are dug downstream from an encampment. Welcome aboard Flight 245 to Calgary. Whats the difference between the Boys Scouts and the Army? In the 60s, the CIA hatched a plan to implant a battery and a microphone in a cat so the furry feline could spy on unsuspecting targets. But if you say one word, it's fifty quid". 30. My gunnery sergeant and I were inspecting a Marine training exercise when we spotted a second lieutenant ambling about. He snapped off a salute and responded, I dont know, sir! Turning to the sergeant, he asked, Gunnery, where is my foxhole? But 1) In World War II, a German U-boat was sunk because of a malfunctioning toilet. My husband is infantry, and he said the most wonderful things to convince me to marry him: The closets could all be mine since he wears the same thing Humankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there. 5) The Franco-Prussian War ended in a stalemate and had to be settled by a winner-take-all game of backgammon played by the two countries prime ministers. Youre standing in it, sir, said the sergeant. If it doesnt move, pick it up. Anyone wanting to take pictures on our bases airfield needs a letter from public affairs, which happens to be me. Why was the sergeant made when his son brought home an A in math? He did his daredevil tricks over, and over again, but still not a word. The INFANTry! What do hungry Marines eat? I would stay behind and neatly print each soldiers name onto his Army-issued underwear. If a baby joined the Army, where would they belong? How can you tell if theres an Air Force pilot at the bar? Me: Hello? Laugh or cringe but please enjoy. 17. Air Traffic Control 6. However, one day he came into the room whistling with a smile on his face. When I enlisted in my teens, I took up smoking cigars to make myself look more mature. P | Engine noise at an unbelievable high level. Reproduction of any part of this website without direct permission is prohibited. I wouldnt set foot on any ship that intentionally sinks.. He then asked conspiratorially, Do you want to keep your sideburns?I perked up. Since this can be an extremely stressful job for the pilots and a boring ordeal for all you lovely passengers, we have carefully compiled this list of funny one-liners about pilots to keep your spirits up. 7. Anytime someone asked what his father did, hed say, Hes in the Army. I told him umpteen times, Stop telling people Im in the Army! It finally seemed to hit home because on the admittance form for kindergarten, under fathers profession, the teacher wrote, He doesnt know what his father does, but hes not in the Army.. The owner of this website does not guarantee offers on this site, and all offers should be viewed as recommendations only. When the sergeant told our new commander that his driver could not participate in an upcoming field maneuver because she was pregnant, the enraged commander demanded to know just how pregnant she was. Fighter Training Manual You know your landing gear is UP and LOCKED when it takes full power to taxi to your parking spot. Then one day I couldnt find it. Why? I asked. Turn it off and watch the pilot start sweating. So, instead, they put me in the Navy since I was a sub-marine. 2. Germany, like other NATO members, is protected by . Only one. While in Kuwait, shortly before we deployed to Iraq, a major general told our meeting that we should expect to cross into Iraq in less than 24 hours. He then opened the floor to questions. He grabbed a bagel and took a seat. We thought we would try to share as many with you as possible. 16. U.S. Navy Warship: Please divert your course 0.5 degrees south to avoid a collision. When I was a Navy student pilot, I visited the home of a classmate. Having been an architectural draftsman in civilian life, I raised my hand. Do you know where the sensor is located? my My husband is infantry, and he said the most wonderful things to convince me to marry him: you cant do both. In the 50s, I was a clerk typist at our base headquarters in Verdun, France. The controller while working a busy shift told a 727 on downwind to make a three-sixty (do a complete circle, usually to provide spacing between aircraft). Multi Engine Training Manual When one engine fails on a twin-engine aircraft, you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash, 48. We are directly under the moon.. Awesome page, I came out of the US Army in 92. 43. It was sheer brilliance. S | Reprogrammed Target Radar with the words.

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